A Candy by Any Other Name
by Allow Me To Speak
Summary: In the World of the Living, some shinigami and a few humans run across something odd - Mentos. My attempt at a crackfic, short and sweet. Dedicated to Beastly Rose for the idea and such great patience. Also dedicated to Moonrise31.


Alright, here goes. *all in one breath* _I am so sorry it took me this long to get this story up when I promised it so long ago! Yes, I was busy and yes, I got really sick, and yes, I have absolutely no time whatsoever, but I still should have gotten this story up MONTHS ago!! I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SORRY!!!_

Beastly Rose, the idea was yours, so the story that was birthed from this idea is dedicated to you. I hope it lives up to expectations. If not, I apologize.

**Disclaimer:** When I was in Japan, I saw a person choking on his meal in a nearby restaurant. I, of course, dropped my Mokona bag, rushed in, and helped him. Once he recovered, I found, to my surprise, that the person I had saved was none other than Kubo Tite. In his gratitude, he offered me the rights to Bleach. I was about to accept, but the moment I started to say yes, I felt the unmistakable feeling of Grimmjow Jaegerjaques practicing non-corporeal voodoo on me and currently strangling me. I knew that if I accepted, he would kill me, so I politely declined and retrieved my Mokona bag from the sidewalk. It is safe to say that I own nothing but my Mokona bag, Sayuri, and the idea of non-corporeal voodoo.

**Note:** Yes, I insult a lot of characters in this, but I mean it all in good humor. So don't get pissed at me, kay? If you get pissed at me, that is just sad. *shakes head in pity*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kusana Sayuri was a somber person. Maybe it was because she had the worst job in the history of jobs – "cleaning" the bathrooms at the convenience store. Maybe it was because this was an improvement on her previous job – being the voice actor for the Japanese translation of Barbie movies. Whatever it was, when nine unusual-looking teenagers entered the store, bringing with them noise and assured trouble, she pulled an Aspirin out of her pocket, popped it in her mouth, and pulled out her cell to set up an appointment with her shrink.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Kami-sama, will you just _shut up_?!" Ichigo growled.

Matsumoto Rangiku put her hands on her hips and pouted. "That's not a nice thing to say, you know," she told him huffily. Orihime giggled, because that's pretty much all she does.

"No, but he has a point," muttered Toshirou, rubbing his temples.

Rukia smiled and turned to face her friends. "Stop complaining, you guys! We're going to one of the coolest places in the World of the Living – the convenience store!" She smiled even wider, flashing her perfect teeth, because we all know that Kurotsuchi-taichou does wonders with dental work. (On a completely unrelated note, on the other side of the street, two innocent passerby suddenly went blind. "I glanced at the group of high schoolers on the other side of the street," one later claimed, "then I saw a flash of light and everything went black!")

Ikkaku groaned. "What's so good about the convenience store? They're everywhere in the Soul Society."

Rukia, being the bipolar girl she is, punched Ikkaku on the arm. "They're different here, doofus! Here, they have _way_ better things than they have back home!"

"Don't be a spoilsport, Ikkaku," Yumichika berated him. "The rest of us want to enjoy this field trip."

Ichigo stopped. His eyes traveled over the heads of all the people in front of him: Rangiku, Orihime, Toshirou, Rukia, Ikkaku, Yumichika, and Renji and Chad, who had so far refrained from saying anything. "So _that's_ why you guys are coming with me? It's a _field trip_?! I'm going to the _store_, you idiots! How the hell is that a field trip?!"

"Aw, Kurosaki-kun, don't spoil their fun!" Orihime piped up. She then smiled in a way that would give Chiruzu a heart attack and Tatsuki a stress fracture (A/N: I swear, if you think anything dirty, I'll kill you). "They're really looking forward to it! Besides, I need some groceries myself. I need some red bean paste, leek, miso soup, carrots…"

Ichigo rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. This was going to be a long afternoon.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They all walked into the convenience store. Looking excited, most of the teenagers began to move forward – only to be stopped by a wall of boxes.

"What're these?" Renji asked, speaking for the first time. Chad leaned down to inspect the boxes, and then said one word: "Mentos."

" 'Mentos'? What are those?" Rangiku asked interestedly. Orihime snapped her fingers.

"I know! It must be the shipment of goods from America that the store ordered a month ago!"

Ichigo looked at her strangely. "…And you know this how?"

Orihime laughed. "Because Ishida-kun told me! He works here, you know!"

As if on cue – which, knowing Ishida, he probably waited until just that happened – Uryuu walked out of the storage room, clad in an apron and a mini-cape, because he always has a mini-cape hiding… somewhere. "Ah, Kurosaki-san. May I ask what you are doing here?"

Ichigo just gaped at Uryuu in his nerdiness.

And gaped.

And gaped.

And gaped.

Uryuu did his ninja throwing-the-bird jutsu at Ichigo.

Then, because the author really doesn't know what to do now, Chad picked up a box of Mentos, despite the fact that it was stealing, and walked out, the rest of the group following close behind, also ignoring the fact that Chad was stealing. Uryuu ignored them and asked Sayuri for an Aspirin.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Chad sent the box down on Ichigo's bed, because that seems to be the only place they hang out. Pulling a knife out of her pocket, Rukia sliced open the lid of the box. Curious, all of the shinigami leaned down to look.

There were more containers. What are the odds?

"What are we waiting for?" Rangiku asked. "Let's look inside them!" She dived down towards the box and grabbed one. Fumbling with the lib for a moment, she opened it. She then looked inside the container, and, very confused, poured the contents of the container into her hand for the others to see.

"…They're Gikongan!" Renji cried.

Toshirou rolled his eyes. "That's impossible. Why would a convenience store in the World of the Living carry Gikongan?"

Ichigo groaned. "Guys, I seriously doubt these are Gikongan. I'm pretty sure they're just –" He was quickly interrupted.

"Well, let's try them!!" Rangiku popped one in her mouth. Everybody except Ichigo looked at least vaguely interested – because remember, Toshirou never looks more than vaguely about anything, unless he's pissed off.

They waited.

Then the room erupted in noise like usual.

"What the hell? Nothing happened!"

"Maybe it's defective. Here, let me try one."

"Get your own!"

"I still find it weird that they sell these in the World of the Living. Did Kurotsuchi-taichou send a shipment here by mistake?"

"That has to be it. I can't think of any other solution…"

"It didn't work on me, either!!"

"What the – these must be defective!"

"Is _that_ why Kurotsuchi-taichou sent them to the World of the Living?"

"Dunno."

"They do taste good, though…"

"These _actually_ taste like candy! Isn't that weird?!"

"Hey, yeah, you're right!!"

"Why the heck does it taste like that?!"

"GUYS!!!!" Ichigo shouted. The room finally silenced. "Geez, I was trying to tell you that these AREN'T GIKONGAN! THEY'RE FREAKING _CANDY_, DAMMIT!!"

All the Shinigami looked at the candy interestedly.

"Seriously? Candy?!"

"No way!"

"It's gotta be Gikongan!"

"Candy doesn't taste like this!"

"No way! Or look like this!"

Nobody noticed Ichigo leave the room. Of course, I doubt any of you noticed how Orihime and Chad left the room a long time ago. Orihime had to go buy her dinner – I doubt any of you noticed she hadn't done that, either. Chad left to go home… I think. Chad doesn't seem to have a home. Or family. But that's not the point, now is it?

…Well, I lied. Somebody did see Ichigo leave the room. Make that two somebodies. Though, in all honesty, I doubt Ichigo noticed his dad or sister curled up in the corner of the hallway as he left the room. They can hide pretty well when they want to.

THE END

Once again, sorry for how late it is. D; Beastly Rose, I hope you like it!

**NOTE:** I do requests. It just takes years (Not literally, thank the Lord) for me to actually post them. Heh heh…

Thank you for reading!

Pax, Sil


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